Social media does a great job of creating an illusion of perfection that can leave us feeling belittled and unaccomplished. Some people seem to have it all – a booming career, excursions around the world, stretch mark-free skin, a fluffy souffle, and a killer smile to match. As I scrolled through my newsfeeds with my sticky peanut butter and jelly-filled hands, I thought how they might as well add hash tag “you’re an insignificant heffer”. I admit it – I wanted what they had. I wanted it all. But a good came out of all of these negative feelings, because they precipitated my desire for success. I always had innate drive and need to excel – but these posts somehow awoke something inside me and kick started my entrepreneurial spirit.
So I started a website, began my blog, and set out to prove to myself that I could be super mom. However, after two years of working on my business while staying home with my kids, I realized it was time to retire my cape. I had to shut down my website, and re-focus my attention on my kids and other passions. As difficult as this decision was for me, it was one of the best choices I’ve made. Let me explain my story.
In August of 2013, I launched tiny-trots, an online family resource for kid-friendly happenings in the DC area. While I provided users with activities and events for their families, I was withholding time from my own. I sacrificed play time with my kids and date nights with Husband. The long hours left Husband feeling like my business was “the other man.” He was right. I was rendezvousing with my computer. Meanwhile, during the day, I would work during “quiet time” and hear Flash saying, “Mommy play with me!” and “Stop working!” while unplugging my laptop or closing my screen. These cries for attention killed me. With each passing day, I too, wanted to throw my computer out the window.
A few months ago, I was accompanying Flash while Butter Cheeks napped. We were sitting quietly at the dining room table drawing and sharing our sketches with one another. As you know, when toddlers and preschoolers draw, they tend to be ambiguous shapes and lines that only they can discern. But then Flash started drawing a rainbow (a drastic change from his 50 previous cars). As his tongue stuck out and his little hand drew the angled and squiggly arches, I asked myself, How much longer will my kids be drawing rainbows? At that moment I knew I wanted to shut down my site.
Rainbows are such beautiful symbols. They denote hope, positivism, and happiness. At that moment with my son, the rainbow represented more. It was a portrayal of impermanent innocence. My four year old, with his simple life and minor struggles, will soon join this complex life with its bigger problems. His colorful cacophony of doodles and scribbles will turn into black inked sketches of people, war, and women. The tumultuous storms will inevitably hit, but for now, I want to clench these few years of innocence and purity. I want to be with my kids; every stinkin’ minute and through every rainbow (even if it means leaving behind my futile Super Mom cape).
Followers, please know that this blog will be moving to WordPress, and I hope to keep the name tiny-trots (a name I’ve worked very hard to brand). I hope you continue to follow me there. For any persons or businesses interested in buying tiny-trots’ database of activities and classes in the DMV, please email me.