If Our Toilet Could Talk

We are past potty training. Now, my five and three-year-old sons have entered the Era of the Bowl of Golden Showers. By this I mean, we are in a phase where the whole bathroom is showered with love every time my precious boys (literally) run in and out. Always in a rush? YES. Why? I DON’T KNOW. But I guess time is of the essence in your preschool years.  So is there more to this post? No, reader, there isn’t. There isn’t anything insightful. I don’t share anything I learned about my children’s potty habits. I’m just here to say, “Wow.”

The other day, one of my girlfriends called me. I didn’t hear the phone because I was doing what I seem to be doing a lot of these days- cleaning the toilet. As I scrubbed the bowl, I saw my secretary, Flash’s, reflection in the water. He handed me the phone, and I was thankful when I heard the voice of one of my mom friends, Melissa. I let Melissa know that apparently the toilet bowl’s diameter isn’t a large enough surface area. She just has girls, so she found it incredibly amusing. I continued to tell her that I’ve been burning incense and buying potpourri like a teenage pot addict because my house smelled like a porta-potty. So don’t judge me. We’re going through a little something right now, and it will end. It. Will. End.

Growing up, I always heard jokes about boys and their sloppy toilet habits, but my mom never complained, so I couldn’t relate. And, in this case, Husband’s Type A, compulsive sanitary habits have been a blessing. I think Husband has single-handedly increased the price of bleach. But anyways, now that I’ve only birthed Y chromosomes, I feel other mothers’ pain, and I get the jokes.

As a result, we put the smack-down in the bathroom. Husband and I are like two anal hallway monitors watching as our kids enter and exit the bathrooms. We step in, check out the toilet’s perimeter, check out the floor and surrounding areas. “Clear. You can go.” We look at each other, and you know each of us is thinking, “How is this our life right now??”

The good news is, things have gotten much better. The kids are paying more attention, and the toilet’s thanked me.

Are you, or have you, gone through this with your boys? What’s helped?

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